The Heart of Entertaining + One Thing To Do This Week to Have a Bright Future
“What do you think is your mission together?”, one of my best friends asked me. We were soon to be married, and she was probing about what the deeper purpose of our relationship could be. I had never thought about it before then, and I think it is a great question. After thinking about it for a while, I knew that part of our mission together was serving others through hosting. We both love people and we love to create a good atmosphere for quality time.
The thing is, hosting can be a bit overwhelming. I know a lot of times I am in a panic-y stress, just trying to make a meal, get the house looking decent and put myself together, desperately hoping the guests will be 10 minutes late if I can’t do it all in time, haha!
One day, I had a breakthrough, accidentally. A big group of friends had planned to go to the drive-in movies. We were all packed up with blankets in the back of our truck and I was putting my make-up on in the car when we got a call. The movie was sold out and they weren’t admitting any more people.
My Husband looked over at me and said, “ya wanna have everyone over?”
I said “Sure!”, instantly mentally thinking about the list of things that needed to be done. We turned around and stopped by the grocery store picking up a few organic frozen pizzas, watermelon, and wine. Fancy fancy! When we got home I only had minutes to hit the kitchen and bathroom so that they weren’t a disgrace. When everyone got there, things were barely presentable but the pizza was hot and pleasing and the watermelon was sweet and juicy and people were happily chatting sipping wine, there was music and it was a merry evening! We set the TV up in the yard and put out lots of blankets and pillows and the fireflies came out, and we put on a movie. I enjoyed that even more than almost any we’d had hosting, and it was because it was all so casual and thrown together and I hadn’t had time to stress about it -we just did it! I was forced to give myself grace in the way that I served and entertained because there really wasn’t any other option. There was no pressure, just good times to be had.
At the heart of hosting, I know what makes it so stressful for me is that it feels like hosting is a direct reflection on YOU. I’ve noticed when I’m the most stressed out about it, it’s because I’m thinking more of me than of the people I am serving. I am very hard on myself and I want it all to be perfect for the guests and for the way it shows who I am. I am worried that my home, or food, or outfit won’t reflect well on me or won’t live up to the standards or expectations of the guests, or that I won’t be “enough” in some way. I sort of measure my self and my value by what is presented when the guests enter the door. After all, your home and your food are a very personal thing, and to offer it to others takes a certain kind of vulnerability. However, thinking and stressing about one’s image is not what will make for the merriest memories and the guests going away remember what a lovely time was had! If anything, it will subtract from the moment.
The important thing is to first, give yourself grace! Realize that you have done a really good thing on even initiating and following through by inviting others into your home! Let go of striving for perfection and instead focus on the important thing you have done. Just take a deep breathe and enjoy the moment and allow yourself to exist and allow yourself to be imperfect in your effort.
I try, very imperfectly, to slowly shift my mindset of hosting to be more about the guests than about me. When I am in a state of high stress, I am focusing more on myself in that moment. I try to think instead: how can I bless these people who will be in my home the most? Certainly, a good atmosphere and a good meal help, but that is not what it is all about. It is all about the relationship - the people!! Instead of thinking: how will I look in this situation? I am trying to begin to think: how can I make these people feel the most loved and cared about? I want to be able to connect with them, to listen, to make them feel at home! Maybe that means listening to stupid youtube videos and having a good laugh, or asking them too cut veggies so they are a part of the process of preparing the meal.
“Welcome, Wabi Sabi” is a book that I highly highly recommend about hosting. It has a much more laid-back approach than I had previously allowed myself to enjoy when entertaining. It talks about how something simple, like sharing a cup of coffee and a tangerine, can be a precious time in your week and life when you share undivided attention with a friend and allowing yourself to really connect, whether it is over sharing your dreams for life, remembering a funny awkward situation that happened in the store yesterday, or a hard time one is going through.
There is something very very special about being able to create a space for people to breathe, laugh, and have fun together in your home or patio. That is what truly is at the heart of good hosting. It gives people the chance to connect and pour into each other in ways that don’t usually happen at restaurants or other places. We are living in an age where we have the privilege of so many things via the internet, but it also means we have to put extra effort into connecting in real, deep, positive ways IRL.
If you are trying to improve or better your life in any way, a secret trick is to spend more time around good people. Here’s where I could pull lots of statics but I’m sure you have heard them before, besides, you can always google them (thanks internet!). The 5 people the closest to you that you spend the most time with will almost completely determine your destiny and success in life. If you want to become better in an area, invite someone over who you admire in it! Just by spending time around them, you’ll become more that way. If you want to be more happy, healthy, or successful take time to invite a happy, healthy, or successful person into your home. Being around good, positive people will be guaranteed to improve your happiness, health, and wealth. There are loads of data on this I have read in so many books but in order to keep it short, I’ll allow you to look for yourself! Make use of one of the most special and powerful things you can do for yourself and for others and make time to connect with people. Others may not invite you over so you have to be the one to initiate it! The rewards and benefits will be 10 fold. You need time to step outside of work, stress, humdrum everyday life and the internet and fill your heart up with good things! Why not just reach out and text some one right now to have over this week?
The photos are from a spur of the moment brunch on Sunday. We decided last minute to make a bunch of cinnamon rolls and coffee and have a lovely morning. I’m sure they weren’t the best cinnamon rolls ever and there was definitely messy corners of the house but it was the most refreshing morning that made my whole week, getting to be with people who are dear to me!
