Collected, Not Bought: a space with spirit
“You shape your space, and then your space shape’s you.” - Winston Churchill
Our spaces should have spirit, they should make us feel a deeper beauty. They should be about the way they feel and the way they look. They should be spiritually AND aesthetically pleasing!
We’ve all seen luscious dream homes, perfectly staged and arranged, and most likely, below it are links to every item in it. When you walk into a home like that, it is pretty and it is perfect, but in many ways, it is sterile. I remember talking to a friend describing working with a successful family who had an expensive, perfect home. She said, “the house is uncomfortably perfect. There is never a thing out of place and it is all brand new, but it doesn’t represent the family or feel homey and pleasant. It doesn’t feel like it’s actually lived in by a family because it doesn’t have character.”
I always remember what she said when I’m tempted to want everything too perfect and to buy everything in the target home goods section or west elm. If I bought my “dream home” decor it wouldn’t really be my dream home because it wouldn’t have much to do with me or my stories or character. I would rather cultivate a home that is deeply beautiful and valuable to me personally. I would rather our home invite people in with a pleasant personality, a space in which to feel loved, happy, and comfortable.
There really is something a bit sterile about something all brand new that not much of us has gone into. That feeling of a brand new head to toe outfit with the tags freshly torn of feels a bit stiff and impersonal, and the same for a home! Much more desirable is the feeling of an outfit or home that feels carefully and thoughtfully curated, full of story and very personal. I have noticed I never feel as cute in a brand new outfit because it just doesn’t feel “me” yet. I have to wear it a few times before I feel like I’ve made it my own and I know just how to style it - something that does feel very me also feels very comfortable. I don’t feel self aware, only confident.
I think it’s hard to tell just how much more homey, pleasant, artistic, loving, personal, comforting, and beautiful a collected life feels so I’ll try to list the ways that they are represented; in my own life and in others near and dear as well as in those whom I admire from afar!
*note, I don’t want to make it as if buying all new things is somehow bad or wrong! Sometimes it is nice to have a totally fresh feel and sometimes there are situations were buying everything is necessary, like a house fire, being newly married, or loosing lots of weight! There are sometimes great reasons to buy all new things and great people who do it. It can have joys of its own, but for most of life, I think having a mindset of a collected lifestyle yields greatly more beauty, harmony, and personality!
A M E M O R A B L E O C C A I S A I N :
I love love love to buy something on a special occasion. It gives the piece ever so much more meaning and each time you see and use it you will remember it emotionally as well as seeing an item you love! For example:
One time, I had been contemplating collaborating with another business for a while. I was really nervous ask the owner about my idea and had a hard time making myself do it. When I talked to her, right away she loved it and said she was thinking of doing the same thing, and she was planning to call around to find the right person that day! All my fears were dismissed and I was so glad I had done what I feared to do. On the date I was going to shoot the collaboration, I bought these amazing bold modern earrings that I had been eyeing for a while, and wore them to remind myself to always be bold and not be so afraid that I don’t pursue my ideas and dreams!
After each Thanksgiving, my family and my cousin’s family who are also dear friends have had a tradition for years of late night Black Friday shopping, getting coffee and seeing the sunrise! We always feel exhilarated and bubbly drinking coffee in the middle of the night and having an adventure! I always buy some sweaters on this expedition and all winter long I remember with a smile in my mind of the good times I had with my cousins whom I love!
Our Eero Saarinen replica table was one of the few things we bought new for the cottage. I had basically loved this table my whole life it seemed, and when we were first married we moved to a new city and a new house and had new jobs and of course needed a place to eat at! When we sit at it in the evenings, sometimes we reminisce at that crazy, fun, in love and adventurous that time of life it was!
C R E A T E D W I T H P A S S I O N :
Something that I think is really special, is to support others who create something from their passion that is expertly made. Perhaps part of the reason I believe so firmly in this is that I am an artist, a photographer, and I know how much I invest into becoming excellent in my craft so that the result has great value for the one who invests in it! Living this story, I greatly value the products that other artisans produce because I know what it will mean for me! Often those who turn their passion into a business are the hardest working human beings and I love to be able to support those who choose to bring beauty into the world despite the fact it would be easier to work at a traditional job!
B Y A V E R Y D E A R P E R S O N :
I love to be able to enjoy things in everyday life that are from or made by dear people in my life! It’s like having a little piece of them in your everyday life and its warms your space.
Whether it’s a locket bought by my husband for Christmas or a pillowcase brought back from Paris by my mum, I treasure something so much more when it’s gifted or made by someone who matters to me! My desk was a gift from my dad, and he made from reclaimed wood which he and my husband also used to build the dance floor for our wedding! A little plant start from a friend or a hand-me-down sugar bowl from my grandmother, dishes from a family friend, whatever the item is it enriches everyday life to have little reminders of loved ones in the items throughout it!
*(it’s also worth noting, I try to avoid holding onto items I don’t need or want even, if they are from others, out of a sense of guilt. I also don’t feel bad if someone else passes an item I’ve gifted on to better purposes. None of us know each other and each other’s needs perfectly even if we love each other dearly. It doesn’t serve any good purpose to hold onto a guilt-inducing item!)
E N D E A R E D B Y T I M E + S T O R Y
Some of my very favorite things are the ones that are nostalgic for me, like the dresser my mom and I painted together from a yard-sale or a Grecian bust she gave me for my 16th birthday, who's name is Grace Maria. My parents grew up next to a walnut farm in California (they lived on the same street, called lovers lane when they were young! Isn’t that ironic? When they grew up they got married.). They would rake walnuts as one of their first jobs and would have games in the orchard. When they tore out the trees to plant new ones, my dad saved a piece of the root ball and made a table. At this very moment, that table is right next to the couch I am sitting on! Stories are what give us a heritage and help us to understand who we are, and who have gone before us! How special is it to be able to own something physical, an heirloom, from those people! Perhaps it’s a chest of drawers, a piece of jewelry which your grandmother wore on special occasions, or a shotgun that has always hung above the door. It’s like being able to experience a little piece of those whose blood flows through our veins and who lived in times we can only imagine!
When a home and wardrobe is curated out of these types of pieces, something very special begins to take shape: a home and wardrobe that feels as good as it looks. Now, does going to west elm or urban outfitters on a shopping spree to completely stock your home or wardrobe sound like the most appealing option? It sound like fun but even more it rings a bit hollow. It would be so much more fun to own something that is meaningful to one. It creates an atmosphere of love and it is almost if you are supported by the spirit the things you own.
As you go about your life, the things in it will bring positive emotions to your mind and a smile to your face! (another reason to cleanse your life of items that bring negative emotions!) I’m always in the process of collecting and enjoying, evaluating what is bringing me joy and arranging those things in pleasing ways! Approaching the things you have with a “collected, not bought” mentality has its reward in everyday life and it’s a good way in which you can improve that happiness you feel in a small way. After all, you live with these things and in these spaces, it is worth being intentional about! So like Winston Churchill said, “You shape your space, and then your space shape’s you.”
